Monday and Tuesday’s journal entries weren’t long enough to post individually so I have combined them.
On Monday we had good rotation with the pickleball group. I really struggled to feel like I did anything right. I got a ton of balls. I mean I just got hammered game after game, which is great. But it is really easy to get down on myself after repetitive beat downs. It’s tough to stay in the right mindset.
The games were good but I can’t really wrap my head around if I am having any progress because there was just so much beating up on me.
When we ended one of the guys said he liked playing games against me because I’m strategic. All I can think is, my strategies clearly don’t work. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do so I hope tomorrow is better. I don’t think I can do well with three days of demolishing games.
A positive to the day was one of the guys asked me if I had been lifting weights because I looked muscular. My confidence as it is makes me think that must mean my shirt was too tight (I’m not muscular) but I’ll take it as a compliment instead.
Tuesday was one of those nights when I’m not sure if anyone really wanted to be there. I definitely felt like I wasn’t wanted there. That feeling spiraled quickly and it felt like the whole group was just off.
I felt guilty because I imagined my mood was a real downer. I was all over the place, emotionally. I would try to pull it together and have some smiles, then I would go neutral, then I would dip.
My priority right now probably should be just to practice and not to play games. When I go play and can’t practice the things I thought I would get to it shoots my demeanor in too many directions.
People are always going to do stuff to mess with your head in an attempt to win so I have to be able to deal with anything during the flow of the game. I’m confident I struggle with tactics worse during rec play than tournaments but it’s certainly something I can work on all the time.
A small positive to the day is I cut my hair almost 2 weeks ago and someone noticed. It only took 11 playing sessions for someone to say something. Not that there’s a reason to say anything, it’s a ponytail, but it was nice to pretend someone noticed something other than an opportunity to wear out my backhand.
After the last 3 days I think I’m going to take a break. I need to regroup and prioritize what I’m doing with my daily pickleball.
